Interview with Uncle Bennywog
By: Tony Kassai


I recently was given an opportunity to do an interview with the fabulous artist/writer Benjamin Selway. We were set to meet at a café in London for the interview. When I walked in I could see Benny sitting alone wearing his normal assortment of interesting clothing. As he sat he was playing with sugar packets, every once in awhile shoving one into his mouth and swallowing it. As I approached him he nervously stared out the window. “Benny are you read to begin?” I asked, he dropped the sugar and replied “Ya, I’m ready.”


Tony: Ok, starting...now!

Benny:*shifty eyes*…now?

Tony: Yup.

Benny: Where am I?

Tony: You’re here having an interview.

Benny: Oooohh *feels special*.

Tony: Yup! So I’d like to ask you a couple questions and have them answered immediately!

Benny: Uh oh, who are you?

Tony: I’m the interviewer Tony thinger.

Benny: Fine.

Tony: Ok, so let’s get this party started; tell me about your childhood Benny.

Benny: Say what? *gulp* that’s a stupid question.

Tony: That’s a good question! People want to know!

Benny: *cough cough splutter*   well Tony...  My mummywog and daddywog were visiting Arabia at the time...  and a very pesky stork came along and dropped me in a desert...  my mummywog took care of me...  almost saving me from such times as I fall out backwards out of my baby-carriage and crack my poor baby head on the floor... or when I got mauled by that doggy on that farm...   or the time I was apparently found in a supermarket when my mummywog lost her real child  (that’s what my brother and sisters say)… (they really mean to me)… (sniff)

Tony: Well that explains everything!

Benny: … sorry what was the question?

Tony: Oh it’s not important, ill ask a new one.

Benny: *blinks* I smell a rat*sniff* or is it a fish?

Tony: Blasphemy, so Benny, when did you get involved with he Nazis?

Benny: From a very young age, I think I was an embryo… with a hat… an embryo with a hat…*nods*.

Tony: Is it true that you were invited to have lunch in hell with Sir Peter Kurten?

Benny: Pete and I go way back,  I sadly didn’t know him in his serial killing days in Germany back in the early 1900's...   but I’m glad to say I have the pleasure of knowing him now that he is dead...   he's always losing his head though after the Germans cut it off...   I haven’t received anything from him recently though...  so that would be a no. Jack the Ripper sends his regards though.

Tony: Well at least someone down there is looking out for you, are you now or have you ever been a Madonna impersonator?

Benny: SSH!!! You said you wouldn’t ask about that!  

Tony: I’m sorry Benny. The fans want to know the truth behind the cover-ups.

Inner Benny: He is asking really silly questions.

Benny: Yes I know he is.

Inner Benny: Well tell him to stop.

Benny: No I don’t want to.

Inner Benny: But you should.

Benny: But its fun.

Inner Benny: Shut up!

Benny: No, he's my friend!

Inner Benny: You haven’t got any friends, nobody likes you!

Benny: Go away!

Inner Benny: No!

Benny: Leave now and never come back!!!

Tony: Am I involved in this anymore?

Benny: Sorry, having an argument with myself…

Tony: Oh well, all the great schizos do...

Benny: Can we cut that bit out?

Tony: NEVER!

Benny: Well my page is getting the edited version.

Tony: Your page will get what I give it! So if I put in that you violently sodomize cats, that’s what'll be put in!

Benny: you wouldn’t daaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeee eeeeeee! Cause if you did that I would be in a huffy puffy with you and throw a wobbler!

Tony: Oh god no…

Benny: Continue with thy questions, wench!

Tony: Yes czar! Ok, so Benny when did Bungle jump into the dark recesses of your brain and set up camp?

Benny: oh wow, an actual question… I’m amazed! Well now let me see...  *cricks his fingers* Bungle first appeared in 2003 when I was utterly utterly bored.   That’s right!  Bungle is the product of boredom...   I was doodling...  I drew a little fat guy with a round head and bit black eyes wearing a pajama-style straight-jacket...   and um...  That was him. Not very interesting huh? He has since developed over time to the bungle we know today and he will probably continue developing later down the line.

Tony: Wow...that’s fascinating, when did he escape from your head and lock you in a closet with a computer to force you to write books!

Benny: He didn’t, he's right here and he doesn’t like you accusing him of naughty stuff. Be afraid, be very afraid!

Tony: Well that’s bunk! Now Benny all the ladies (and boys I might add) are dying to know, are you taken?

Benny: Alas I am currently unspoken for

Benny: I’m positive my house has become haunted recently

Tony: Why do you think that?

Benny: Because there are just little signs and things you know it never used to be...  but I swear it has become haunted recently

Tony: What has happened that leads you to believe that?

Benny: I aint seen nothing yet if that’s what you're thinking, I’ve tried… heaps of nights I go downstairs in the pitch black and sit in the middle of the living room for an hour or so with my funky jungle-book night light and a hot chocolate but I don’t see nuffin, but there’s just freaky noises sometimes and I feel paranoid in my own house which I never used too...  they also say that if there is a ghost nearby it feels chilly,  and the house is a lot colder these days

Tony: Awwwww, funky jungle book night light you’re so goddamn cute!!

Benny: My nightlight is cool don’t make fun it plays a little tune and everything…

Tony: I just have this mental image of you sitting in a chair in the pitch black huddled around a hot chocolate and a cartoon night light playing "I wanna be like you"

Benny: And my adventure hat. Don’t forget the adventure hat!!! If I’m going to see a ghost I can’t be without my adventure hat.

Tony: Oh no, god forbid you get pulled into a ghosty dimension and not be fashionable

Benny: My hat aint fashionable…it’s just cool…and adventury, like Indiana Jones… OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH   IM GETTING A WHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *falls over backwards off his chair in the excitement*

Tony:  Oh? What are you going to do with it?

Benny: uh… hug it… and lick it… and have sex with it… and love it… and WHIP PEOPLE WITH IT!  MWUHAA HAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAA

Tony: Awwww, you should just wander the streets at night whipping everyone who crosses your path.

Benny: Well you’re just weird! What do you think I am, a serial whipper? That sounds like some kind of ice cream man…

Tony: oh god that’s hilarious! Well I think it’s safe to say we’re done this interview, any last words?

Benny: I’m going to eat you and your liver with some fava beans a nice Chianti *funny erotic slurpy noises*